Henry David Thoreau said it memorably: “Our life is
frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify, simplify!”
Shelly Dutch had this to say in the diary she kept while
recovering from cocaine and other addictions (in Chapter 2 of Waking Up
Happy):
“My life has gotten very cluttered –
too much of everything. Change begins with taking myself away from clutter in
order to hear what my heart needs to say.”
But simplification isn’t simple. In fact, it’s profoundly
complex. We must be careful not to simplify away the very things that make life
worth living. We must put the vital things at the center of each day, and let
go of the nonessential.
For instance, if developing a better relationship with your
child is paramount to you, spend time every day learning communication
techniques, discovering more about your children by researching what’s
important to them, attending groups where you can talk out problems and
brainstorm solutions.
These tactics won’t make life simpler. They will
simply assure that you’re living the values, truths, and goals that will lead
to fulfillment.
And if in the process you learn to love the sense of
possibility reflected by an empty shelf, so much the better!
THE KEYS:
1. If your loved one has addiction issues,
your life, by its very nature, has most likely tilted toward complication,
chaos, and stress. To help your loved one, you must first help yourself to
find a sense of serenity, balance, and centered purpose.
2. One of the principles of what I call “complicated
simplicity” (keeping what’s really important and getting rid of the extra
clutter) is being able to let go. Pinpoint the essential, and purge the
rest.
3. Another way to find simplicity in the
midst of chaos is to know your core values and put them in the center of your
life. When you listen to your heart and stay true to what truly matters to
you, you will intuitively know what to keep, what to hold, and what to release.
ACTIONS TO PRACTICE
1.
Make a list of your highest values
and priorities. Then look at your to-do list for the day. Weed out any
excess “to do’s” that don’t align with your highest values and goals.
2.
Practice sorting necessary
complications from superfluous ones. At the beginning of each day, list the
most important things, the priorities that are essential to your happiness. For
example, your list might be:
1. Take care of myself so I can be
there for those who need me.
2. Make sure my children are
healthy, happy, grounded, and living their best lives.
3. Strengthen my friendships and my
network of helpers.
4. Perform at least one act of
pure, unselfish giving.
5. Work on the parts of my job that
have upcoming deadlines to be sure I fulfill my promises and commitments to get
things done on time.
6. Work on projects that don’t have
deadlines but that I am passionate about completing.
Several times a day, stop what you’re
doing, and check your list. If you’ve drifted from your highest priorities, go
back to them. For instance, take a few moments to do some exercises to relax
your mind and body, make sure you’re drinking enough water, eat a healthy
snack, and perhaps take a moment to close your eyes, breathe, and recalibrate
to be sure you never lose sight of the first item on your list.
3. Break free of digital distractions. Constant
connection to technology leads to enormous stress. Schedule regular breaks in
which you leave technology behind and do something relaxing and fun. Keep in
touch with people physically rather than virtually whenever you can. As
frequently as possible, perform a cyber cleansing. Turn everything off – TVs,
cell phones, computers, everything – and bask in the silence. Take time to reflect on what you're doing,
why you're doing it, and why it matters.
For more exercises, take
a look at Waking Up Happy, which includes “Things to Do Today” (at the
end of each chapter) and “365 Steps on Your Journey” (an exercise for every day
of the year), www.WakingUpHappy.co
Please contact me with
your own stories, strategies, insights, and any questions you may have, as well
as an answer to this question, if you’d like to reflect on it and send me your
answer: What one thing might you eliminate from your life so that you can focus
on what really matters?
