As the days grow shorter and
darker, I’m drawn to the idea of rituals. I’m inspired by my friend Marilyn,
who taught me how rituals make even the simplest moment special. As she says, “That’s
what life is, really – making as many moments special as you possibly can.” (Marilyn’s story is in Chapter 7 of Waking
Up Happy, wakinguphappy.co.)
I learned from Marilyn that I
already practiced countless rituals, such as drinking coffee from my favorite
mug every morning, brewing a cup of tea in the afternoon, and attending
exercise class twice a week.
With her help, I learned to
do these things more mindfully. I’d never thought about planting my flowers in
the spring or raking leaves in the fall as rituals, but just that small shift
in thinking added more meaning to my life. These rituals made me more aware of
the way life and death weave through everything, and I became more comfortable
with the idea of death – a huge step forward for me.
Now that the darkness of
winter is descending, I add rituals such as focusing on a candle flame as I
breathe slowly and mindfully. Sometimes I follow Marilyn’s lead and treat
myself to a celebration of brilliance, turning on all the lights and basking in
the glow.
Marilyn and I also share many
winter rituals, such as going to the Holiday Art Fair together, meeting for an
Indian lunch where we exchange gifts, and talking on the phone every December
31 to discuss our plans, hopes, and dreams for the new year. Having such
rituals has strengthened our friendship through the years into an unbreakable
bond.
THE KEYS:
1. You can perform rituals
alone or with others. They provide a
sense of continuity while honoring what’s important to you. No matter how much
chaos surrounds you, you can perform a comforting, familiar ritual in the
morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening. It might be eating an orange
with your full attention, repeating an affirmation to yourself, writing in your
journal, or listing some of the things you’re grateful for.
2. Ritual can restore
balance after devastating loss.
During dark times, the simplest of rituals, such as getting up in the morning,
eating three times a day, combing your hair, and brushing your teeth can be
life-saving. Little by little, they’ll restore you to the ongoingness of life
that, eventually, conquers despair.
3. If your life has been
impacted by addiction, you may have fallen into unhealthy rituals. If so, perhaps you need to leave behind old rituals
and create new ones for yourself. It may help to perform a letting-go ritual,
as I described in earlier blog posts, such as “Remaking Your Life” and “Holding
On, Letting Go: Like Ash on Water”
(scroll down and you’ll find the earlier blog posts). For example, write
down what you’re leaving behind. Then shred or burn the paper on which it is
written.
4. Rituals knit families
and friendships together. Children
love rituals. If you’re lucky enough to have youngsters in your life, share
some old or new rituals with them – baking the same cookies your grandma baked,
decorating the house for the season, gathering evergreen boughs and pine cones.
ACTIONS TO PRACTICE:
1. Commemorate any beginning
or ending – the winter’s first snowfall, the end of a love affair, a move into
a new home. Your ritual might include
dancing, chanting, or singing, or be as simple as lighting a candle and saying
a few words.
2. Set up an altar. A space the size of a scarf will do. On the cloth,
arrange objects to represent the four elements that make up life on this
planet, as defined by the ancient Greeks: air, earth, water, and fire. For
example, you could use a feather to represent air, a stone for earth, a seashell
for water, and a candle for fire. Add other things with special or symbolic
meaning, such as photos of loved ones. You can meditate or pray at your altar,
or just use it as a comforting way to honor your deepest self and your place in
the universe.
3. On a date that is
memorable for you (your birthday or
New Year’s Eve, for instance), write a letter to the person you’ll be next year
at the same time. Then read the letter you wrote to yourself last year. This
ritual will emphasize how much you are changing and growing.
4. Find a morning and
evening ritual for yourself. For
example, you could do a few deep-breathing exercises when you get up and write
in your gratitude journal before bed.
5. Choose a weekly
practice to calm and restore you.
Once a week, for instance, you could attend a tai chi class, spend an hour in a
church or other sanctuary, walk in nature, sing in a choir, or volunteer in the
community.
6. Create a ritual to
welcome each season as it arrives.
7. Plan a celebration of
the winter solstice on December 21. Invite
your friends if you like. Light candles and play music to welcome back the
light. Or decorate cookies to represent the sun. Create an altar with holly,
mistletoe, or other evergreens and call in the sun's warmth. Reflect on the
things you love about winter and breathe in that positive energy. Consider what
you dislike about winter, and come up with rituals to help make those things
more positive, comforting, and fun.
For more exercises, take a look at WAKING UP HAPPY, which includes “365
Steps on Your Journey” (an exercise for every day of the year),
www.WakingUpHappy.co.
Please contact me with your own stories and any questions you may have,
as well as answers to these questions, if you’d like to reflect on them:
What rituals do you perform
every day? Would you like to add new ones?
What life passages are coming
up that you could commemorate with a ritual?
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